


the emperor, alone.

by lucymordy



Category: Code Geass
Genre: more sad shit!, thanks for coming to my ted talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 21:10:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14577729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucymordy/pseuds/lucymordy
Summary: lelouch visits the part of the villa he makes a habit of avoiding.





	the emperor, alone.

Marianne’s rooms were in an area of the villa Lelouch was not unfamiliar with. He had been there many times as a child, played on the floor with Nunnally as their mother read on that burgundy chaise by the window, or sat beside her on the royal blue couch, taking one sip of wine before spitting it back out.

The place had grown cold, dusty. Lelouch shut the tall door behind him as gently as possible, not wanting to draw attention to him being there. He needed to be alone in that moment. He felt that if he could not hear his own breaths, he would lose them.

The great canopied bed that he sometimes snuck a few jumps on was made with the soft golden comforter tugged to the top, the dozens of matching pillows prim and proper in their places at the head. Lelouch’s feet tapped a pattern into the marble as he crossed to it, leaning against the dark wooden bedpost with only half his weight.

Something about him raced. Lelouch focused his eyes on the angel-carvings in the headboard. He felt foreign eyes watching him, but he was alone save for the ghosts he associated with his past, and even those were too much. Too many memories— had Charles fabricated those too? Had he fabricated those innocent, precious moments?

He moved away from the thoughts and over to the window. The curtains were pulled, as they had been for years. Sunlight dappled the floor in spots like a dalmatian’s. Lelouch watched an outside tree sway in the breeze, saw a vacant reflection of himself in the panes.

And then, another reflection out of the corner of his eye. He shifted his gaze to the culprit— the vanity.

As he approached, he watched his other self as well. Lelouch arrived, seeing the emptiness of the table in front of him.

In a sort of moment of impulse, he reached out and played a pianist-like hand across the velvet of part of the surface.

Soft, soft velvet. The kind Nunnally would have loved to get her hands on, when her mind had still been affected by Charles’ geass. Lelouch stopped touching the vanity then, taking a few steps back.

But, he still saw his appearance in the slightly tilted mirror. Violet coup d’état eyes carved into an angular face. Pale. Growing gaunt. He couldn’t eat that well anymore, too little time. He busied himself in political affairs, he busied himself in plans, plans, plans. His Knight of Zero had stood, brow furrowed, in many doorways asking with his eyes, _Your Majesty, are you alright?_ and maybe when they were more alone, letting out a more verbal, concerned _Lelouch…_

Lelouch continued to cut him off. There were lots of doorways and lots of Suzakus and he didn’t really know how to feel about the former, however certain he was of breaking his own heart for the latter.

As his mind swept over his plan, he heard the door open and shut. Lelouch recoiled from the vanity and his reflection alike, turning to face whoever had intruded with his emperor-voice ready.

But, speaking of the devil, it was Suzaku.

“Your Majesty?”

“Suzaku.” Lelouch formed the syllables with his mouth, but he didn’t really associate them with the boy in front of him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a full night’s sleep. Perhaps it was last before everything had started.

“Lelouch, are you alright?” Suzaku walked forward and into the room proper, hesitating once he got closer to the emperor.

“No.” And, the words tasted bitter as chewed peppermint. Lelouch crossed the rest of the distance to his knight, rubbing his eye sockets with the back of his hands.

“What can I do for you?” His green eyes were wide with concern, watching Lelouch’s movements intently.

“Just be here.” Lelouch sighed.

“I am.”

“And don’t leave.”

“I won’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading! i am incapable of writing anything that has to do with emperor lelouch being happy as it seems


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